too many questions. few answers. time speeding away.

Update: I received my legal clearance last week and it seems from my communication with the D.C. Peace Corps headquarters that my file is being pushed through to the placement office.  They're asking that I send my NAU transcripts showing my posted master's degree ASAP and I need to send a résumé this week. 

I am extremely anxious about where I will be placed.  I just want to know. 

I won't lie, it's been a very rough few weeks.  I've been having many second thoughts about going to the Peace Corps at all.  I ran into a friend in the grocery store a few weeks ago and we were talking about how in your career timing is everything...

I am putting myself in a position to make a big career move, and I keep wondering if I will have the same opportunities and momentum after two years abroad and away from the choral world.  I wonder if it will look bad or strange on a résumé that I took off for two years and didn't do anything with my master's degree. 

I think back to the summer and I was so absolutely sure about my decision to go... and I wonder where those feelings went.  I wonder how I felt so sure and how I now feel so unsure sometimes.

As the days draw on, however, I am finding that spark again.  I watched a video from my trip to South Africa on Thanksgiving and I was transported back to how I felt while I was there.  How the African people inspired me more than I can remember... I remember waking up in Africa last May and thinking about how a beautiful symbiotic relationship was possible-- that I could help people who need help, and how I can learn from this African culture.  Learn how to not be so wrapped up in work, study, the next concert, the next career move... Learn to be connected to people without cell phones, laptops, and Facebook.  Learn to just be.  Just be me.  Just take a minute and live.

http://allafrica.com/stories/201011170631.html

So, I still worry.  I still stress about perhaps being placed in an intolerant place.  I worry about having to pretend to be someone I'm not for two years.  The story above is heartbreaking, and typical of many stories I've been reading over the last several months. 

As the holiday season hits, and I prepare to participate in many concerts and performances, I think of waking up on Christmas of 2011 in a mud hut somewhere in the African bush.  Scary.  Exciting. 

This picture inspires me.  Look at these beautiful children. This was taken after the church service we sang at near Sun City, South Africa.  This could be my daily life very soon!